Not like love

Awwww, so cuteee! Come here you cuddly bear! I love you soooooo much! I love you to the moon and back! I love you more. No! I love you more! Sounds familiar? Well, I’m sure everyone has said one of these things, if not all. Being in love has its sweet little moments. Sweet nothings you say to the other. Whisper those magical words softly in their ears. Blush and turn into a plum! Gosh, these things are innumerable! But I believe, there are somethings we need to get straight here. Not everything people do under the name of love is “love” and certainly not justifiable by terming it “sweet”.

With valentine’s day just around the corner, I’d like to highlight this issue here I’ve seen occuring a lot since time unknown. There are things you do when you are in love, for and with your partner which is sweet till the point of suffocation (I’m just being too negative here I know and I can see some daggers thrown my way right now by die hard romantics) but some people are in awe of that. All good there. Buying stuff for them, unplanned surprise visits, flowers and chocolates, balloons, a larger than life teddy bear (I still wonder where do they keep that) and what not. But, that too, is okay. What is not okay is doing things that are clearly a sign of an obsessive, jealous person and terming them as normal. Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing ‘normal’ about being obsessed over someone and there’s Absolutely Nothing ‘normal’ about being jealous.

To make matters worse, we have the Bollywood. They portray such obsessive behaviour in such a colourful manner, people start believing it’s a part of life (Darr). They encourage stalking (Ranjhana). Do we really need to glamorize these things?

Scenario#1

Girl: I have been calling you for the last 10 mins (read 3 calls/min) but you were speaking to someone else.

Guy: Yes, honey, I was talking to my boss so couldn’t answer your call.

They meet two hours later..

Girl: Show me your phone.

Guy: What? Why?

Girl: I want to see whom you were talking to when I called. Are you hiding something from me? *puppy eyes*

Guy: Here, take my phone. See for yourself.

Scenario#2

Couple at a party. Girl is talking to some other guy. Smiles, laughs, gets friendly.

*On the way back from the party*

Guy: *sulking*

Girl: What happened honey?

Guy: Nothing

Girl: Oh c’mon, you look upset. Tell me what happened?!

Guy: Why were you talking to that guy? I didn’t like how you were getting friendly with him. I don’t like anybody else getting close to you. I love you way too much to share you with anyone else even for a moment. (Read Jealousy)

Girl: Awww.. that’s so adorable. Come here you. I love you so much!

What?? How the fuck is that adorable?? My dear couples, jealousy is jealousy. It’s a negative emotion. Do not try to justify it by calling it sweet, because, let’s admit, these are the same ‘sweet’ things that start the ‘justification’ of talking to some random girl/guy. It starts getting on your nerves and this marks the beginning of the silly little fights which eventually lead to an ugly break up. This negativity roots from insecurities.

When the girl you are dating is very pretty you feel she will dump you for someone with a better sense of humour. The guy you are with gets friendly with a co-worker, compliments her on her new haircut, you turn into a monster and the first reaction is “He never notices MY hair”. Result: An ugly ugly fight.

Let’s all hold our horses, take a deep breath and ask ourselves, why on earth is this happening? You, my darlings, are solely responsible for this. What you initially found “cute” was just a 10 headed monster in disguise. Please, open your eyes and see. Like actually see. You happen to encourage this by refusing to see it for what it is. Everyone is flawed. Every single one of us. Instead of letting this weigh you down, try to embrace it. The birth mark on your forehead. The blemishes. The scars. That one nasty break up which broke you in a thousand pieces. Childhood traumas. Divorced parents. Because let’s admit, it’s not just the physical aspects that make you feel this way. It’s always deeper than that. Stop resisting it. Stop denying. Accept it. Grow.

If you say “it’s okay to have broken up after 5 years of being in love. These things happen.” You’ll definitely stop worrying about your current relationship failing because of trivial reasons. If you say “It’s okay if I have crooked teeth. It looks very appealing when I smile.” You’ll surely feel more confident about it and you’ll smile more often. If your partner engages in a conversation with someone, instead of feeling jealous, if you think he is conversing with more people and that helps him learn different things and gives him a different perspective on things, you will slay the evil headed monster with a snap!

Celebrate this valentine’s day with a new motto. “Unfollow” the crap people have been doing in the name of love. Love is a beautiful beautiful emotion. Cherish it. Nurture it. Love it in its purest form. Love is selfless. Love is acceptance and love is giving. Love is all the good things in life. Love, is much more than that. Hold on to it while you can. There’s no point in being smart in retrospect. What is lost once, is lost forever.